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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23053756">behind that sugar there's only lies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jindorie/pseuds/jindorie'>jindorie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>LOONA (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:26:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,598</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23053756</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jindorie/pseuds/jindorie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sooyoung is in love with Jinsoul. Jinsoul, however, has a girlfriend.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>95</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>behind that sugar there's only lies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sooyoung groaned internally as she tried to block out her best friend talking excitedly on the phone with her girlfriend. Why Sooyoung even agreed to help with her friend pick out something to wear in the first place, she didn’t know. Well actually, she did; she just didn’t want to acknowledge it.</p><p>The small girl looked up from the bed she was currently laying atop of to see that her friend was no longer talking on the phone and was now rummaging inside her closet. Sooyoung could see the perfect view of Jinsoul’s ass from where she was laying. Not that she was looking. She wasn’t (she was).</p><p>“So, are you gonna help me?” Jinsoul said as she turned around, a smirk evident on her face. “Or are you too busy staring at my ass?”</p><p><em>Fuck</em>. Was Sooyoung that obvious?</p><p>“Your ass is a much better sight than your face,” Sooyoung lied.</p><p>“Ugh, whatever.” Jinsoul held up two dresses for Sooyoung to see. “Pick one.”</p><p>One dress was red with rose prints, a very cute innocent dress. The other was a short green dress with white stripes with an unbuttoned collar.</p><p>“Pink,” Sooyoung said without hesitation. “You’d look like a traffic light if you wore green.”</p><p>Another lie. Jinsoul looked great in green. Jinsoul looked great in anything, but more so when she wears green. And blue. And white. Any colour, really. Sooyoung feared that her heart would burst if Jinsoul wore green at a party, where she would be dancing, showing off her curves. Sooyoung just wants to live.</p><p>“It’s <em>burgundy</em>. And I’m not wearing it. You are.” Jinsoul said, striding over to where Sooyoung was. “You’re wearing the green dress.”</p><p>“Wait, what?” Sooyoung sat up, confused.</p><p>“You’re wearing green, Sooyoung,”</p><p>“I thought you were picking out <em>your</em> clothes for the party?”</p><p>“I already did. I’m wearing a crop top and shorts.” Jinsoul said as she sat on the bed. “You, however, are wearing the green dress.”</p><p>Jinsoul laid next to Sooyoung, wrapping an arm around her best friend.</p><p>“What do you think you’re doing?” Sooyoung asked, pretending to be annoyed. In reality, she loved having Jinsoul’s arms around her. Of course, she can’t say that.</p><p>“I’m trying to convince you to come to the party,” Jinsoul said, hugging her best friend tighter.</p><p>“By hugging me to death?” Sooyoung made the mistake of turning around and came face to face with the love of her life. Their faces were mere inches apart. “I told you, I’m not going.”</p><p>Jinsoul, the little devil she was, came closer, and closer until she was practically kissing Sooyoung.</p><p><em>“Why not?”</em> Jinsoul whispered slowly.</p><p>Sooyoung swears her heart was beating louder than a marching band. As much as she wanted to lean in and kiss Jinsoul, she didn’t. Instead, she squirmed away from the younger’s grasp, who eventually let her go. Much to Sooyoung’s dismay.</p><p>“Because I don’t want to,” Sooyoung sat up, suddenly the room felt like a desert. Her throat dried up and she could only feel the heat. “Why do you want me to go to that party so badly anyway?”</p><p>“You’re my <em>best friend</em>.” Jinsoul said as if it explained everything. Which it did. Sooyoung was just her best friend. It’s not like Sooyoung was in love with her or anything.</p><p>“I’m going home,” Sooyoung said as she got up from Jinsoul’s bed. “I’m not going to the party.” </p><p>“Why not?” Jinsoul asked again. It wasn’t like Sooyoung to let Jinsoul go to a party on her own. Sure, her girlfriend was going to be there but Sooyoung always went with her, just in case. Jinsoul found it even weirder that Sooyoung hadn’t stated the reason why she wouldn’t be going.</p><p>Sooyoung left without answering the question. A part of her hoped Jinsoul would run after her.</p><hr/><p>Jinsoul went to the party alone.</p><p>Vivi, one of her closest friends was hosting a summer party at her house and had invited the whole neighbourhood. Vivi herself arranged this party, saying it was going to be special. And it was. Her house looked like an art museum, and the size of it only made it more convincing. It was decorated to look like a set from a movie. Jinsoul wondered how special this party must be for Vivi to put in this much effort.</p><p>As Jinsoul entered, she was greeted loudly by Haseul, another one of her close friends. Despite being the same age Haseul was way shorter than Jinsoul causing the former to be constantly teased by the latter.</p><p>“Hey,” Haseul giggled. She looked over Jinsoul’s shoulder and frowned.  “Wait a second. Where’s Sooyoung?”</p><p>“She said she was feeling sick,” Jinsoul lied. The truth was she didn’t have a clue why Sooyoung wasn’t with her.</p><p>“Oh,” Haseul said, obviously not buying it. “I thought she’d be here.”</p><p>“Why? Did she say anything to you?” Jinsoul asked as she walked towards the living room. Haseul shook her head.</p><p>“Well, you’re here so Sooyoung must be around somewhere. It’s odd that she isn’t.” Haseul laughed. “She must’ve gotten tired chasing after someone she can’t have.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Jinsoul turned to face Haseul just in time to see her eyes go wide, panic clear on her face.</p><p>“Ah, it’s nothing. Forget about it.” Haseul took a soda and handed it to Jinsoul. “Anyways, just enjoy the party. I’ll go look for Vivi.”</p><p>“You mean she isn’t here?”</p><p>“She is, she’s just… not here.” Haseul explained before walking off.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sooyoung <em>was</em> sick, she was sick of being pathetic. As cliché as it was, Sooyoung had fallen in love with her best friend. How could she not? Jinsoul was nothing if not perfect. Annoying sure, but perfect nonetheless.</p><p>As much as Sooyoung wanted to deny it, she had fallen deeper than she thought possible. She doesn’t remember how or why she fell in love with Jinsoul; she just woke up one day and looked forward to being with her best friend. Sooyoung had thought it was normal, they were best friends after all.</p><p>Being best friends with one of the most endearing girls can only go so far. Jinsoul had gotten a girlfriend and Sooyoung felt like her world was taken from her.</p><p>Their friendship hadn’t changed much. They still did everything together, talked about everything, it’s just that the topic of Jinsoul’s girlfriend came up every so often. The weird part was Jinsoul only ever mentioned her girlfriend whenever she complained about her. Not that Sooyoung was complaining. She didn’t want to hear anything about her.</p><p>It wasn’t fair and Sooyoung knew it. Jinsoul’s girlfriend hadn’t done anything wrong (except maybe take Jinsoul away from Sooyoung but whatever). She was actually a good person and that made Sooyoung hate her even more. She didn’t <em>have</em> a legitimate reason to dislike her.</p><p>Sooyoung was exhausted. Tired from trying to get Jinsoul to fall in love with her. Tired from trying so hard to fall out of love with someone so lovable.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>So here Sooyoung was, getting dressed in the disgusting green dress Jinsoul had picked out for her because god knows Sooyoung would do anything to make Jinsoul happy. If only Jinsoul knew that as well.</p><p>She pulled up to the curb a few houses away and she could already hear the music coming from Vivi’s house. Sooyoung checked her phone for the first time since she left the house to go to the party. She had twenty-three texts and four missed calls from Jinsoul, seven texts from Haseul, two missed calls from Jiwoo, and one text from Vivi.</p><p>Obviously, Sooyoung had her priorities straight. She checked Jinsoul’s texts first, hoping it would be something along the lines of ‘I’m in love with you’, but to no surprise, it wasn’t. It was just Jinsoul trying to get her to come to the party by sending group photos and saying she’s missing out.</p><p>Sooyoung didn’t need to enter the house to know that Vivi had invited the entire neighbourhood. The lawn, previously very well-kept, was now a mess of human bodies and beer cans.</p><p>She went inside the house and grabbed a beer, even though she didn’t drink. Sooyoung tried to find Jinsoul, or any one of her friends really but it was hard to tell who was who considering her height. She went upstairs, ignoring all the catcalls she received.</p><p>“Hey, Sooyoung!” Sooyoung heard someone yell and immediately knew who it was. There was only one person who sounded as bright and loud as her. “Nice of you to join us young folks.”</p><p>Sooyoung turned and came face to face with Jiwoo. Who else could it have been?</p><p>“Isn’t it a little early for you to be drunk already?” Sooyoung quipped. Jiwoo scoffed.</p><p>“Haseul told me you weren’t coming because you got your heart broken,” Jiwoo said, taking Sooyoung’s beer.</p><p>“That would be the case if it wasn’t broken already,” Sooyoung took her beer back from Jiwoo.</p><p>“Whoa, this is a party, not therapy.” Jiwoo laughed. “Geez, Sooyoung calm down.”</p><p>Jiwoo grabbed Sooyoung’s free hand and dragged her through the hallways.</p><p>“Come on, hurry up!” Jiwoo laughed. “You’re not gonna believe this,”</p><p>“Do I even want to know?” Sooyoung laughed as well. She was curious as to what Jiwoo meant, even if it was probably just someone who fell in Vivi’s pool again. Probably Haseul, who knows.</p><p>They came to a stop in front of one of the doors left partly open. Jiwoo put a finger to her lips, signalling her to keep quiet which was dumb because Sooyoung hadn’t even said anything.</p><p>“Look, look, look!” Jiwoo whispered excitedly, pointing to the inside of the room. Sooyoung looked to where Jiwoo was pointing.</p><p>Sooyoung expected a prank. Instead she saw Haseul, one of her closest friends making out with Vivi, the party’s hostess, who she previously thought was straight.</p><p>“Whoa,” Sooyoung said, very, very surprised.</p><p>“Whoa indeed,” Jinsoul walked into the hallways and stood next to Sooyoung. “Are you two really watching them make out?”</p><p>A surprised Jiwoo turned red and shook her head.</p><p>“Of course not. Just thought Sooyoung might wanna ask Haseul for pointers on how to get girls” Jiwoo giggled. “Anyway, I’m gonna go and uh, party, so bye.”</p><p>Jinsoul raised an eyebrow. Jiwoo gave Sooyoung a knowing glance and grinned before scurrying off.</p><p><em>Great</em>. Now Sooyoung was alone with the love of her life.  Jinsoul grabbed Sooyoung’s hand and started walking away, leaving Sooyoung no choice but to follow her.</p><p>“I thought you weren’t coming,” Jinsoul asked as they walked down the stairs and into the packed living room.</p><p>“I really wasn’t planning on showing up,” Sooyoung laughed. She didn’t meet Jinsoul’s eyes. She couldn’t.</p><p>“But you’re here. Why’s that?” Sooyoung wished Jinsoul hadn’t asked this question. Mostly because Sooyoung herself didn’t know why.</p><p>“Your texts convinced me.” Sooyoung shrugged.</p><p>Jinsoul led them out onto the lawn, where people were having a contest to see who could chug the most beer before dying or passing out (whichever came first).</p><p>Jinsoul was about to speak before a short girl came over. It was Jinsoul’s girlfriend. Jinsoul let go of Sooyoung’s hand.</p><p>“Hey, I was just looking for you,” Jinsoul’s girlfriend said, she looked upset, angry even. “How can you just leave like that? After everything?”</p><p>Sooyoung didn’t know what Jinsoul’s girlfriend was talking about and she didn’t wanna know. She didn’t care.</p><p>Jinsoul looked like she was about to say something but her girlfriend leaned in and kissed her. It might’ve just been Sooyoung’s imagination but she saw Jinsoul hesitate before kissing back.</p><p>Sooyoung felt her jealousy and anger bubble up inside her and decided it was time for her to leave. She navigated her way through drunk teens and managed to get to Vivi’s gate in one piece.</p><p>Sooyoung saw Jinsoul’s girlfriend’s car parked right outside the gate and thought of how many times they must’ve made out in it. Thought of other things they could’ve done in there. Thought of how many plans and trips Jinsoul cancelled at the last minute because she wanted to be with her girlfriend instead.</p><p>With tears in her eyes, Sooyoung stalked to her car. It was dark and everyone was too busy partying to see her crying in the front seat of her car listening to her own choked sobs. No one could tell.</p><p>She drove home with puffy eyes.</p><p>Tired and angry, Sooyoung dropped her keys on the kitchen table and went to her room. She didn’t even bother changing out of her clothes. The night was still young but Sooyoung just wanted to go to bed. It took a while before Sooyoung fell asleep.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>A loud knock on her door woke her up. It was probably just her parents.</p><p>Sooyoung took her phone to check the time and saw that it was three am. She also saw that she had a bunch of missed calls from Jinsoul. Not only that, Jinsoul had texted her. She was outside her front door. Sooyoung practically flew out of bed and ran downstairs.</p><p>Sooyoung swung open her door to see Jinsoul crying.</p><p>“We had a fight,” Jinsoul said through sobs.</p><p>Sooyoung pulled her in and lead the taller girl to her bedroom. Jinsoul sat down on Sooyoung’s canopy bed and buried her face in her hands.</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t seem to want to talk about it and Sooyoung wasn’t going to ask. Jinsoul needed some space and a shoulder to cry on and Sooyoung was conveniently there.</p><p>“She…” Jinsoul choked up on her own words. Sooyoung’s heart broke. She hated seeing Jinsoul like this. How broken and fragile she looked.</p><p>“Shh. You don’t have to tell me.” Sooyoung hugged Jinsoul. “It’s okay,”</p><p>Maybe if Jinsoul wasn’t crying and Sooyoung wasn’t heartbroken, maybe if Jinsoul didn’t have a girlfriend and Sooyoung wasn’t a coward, maybe they could’ve been in love. Maybe.</p><p>“It’s not.” Jinsoul hugged her back.</p><p>Jinsoul laid down, covering herself in Sooyoung’s bedsheets. It was Sooyoung’s turn to put her arms around Jinsoul.</p><p>“I caught her cheating on me,” Jinsoul said, breaking the silence.</p><p>“I thought you were asleep,” Sooyoung dumbly said. She didn’t know what else to say.</p><p>“This isn’t the first time either,” Jinsoul continued. “But she keeps coming back and I keep giving her another chance.”</p><p>Jinsoul turned to face Sooyoung. Even in the dark and post-breakdown, Jinsoul looked beautiful. Which only made it hurt more for Sooyoung. Someone as beautiful as Jinsoul shouldn’t be in so much pain.</p><p>“I just- I don’t know,” Jinsoul sighs. “She keeps saying she’s changed and I keep believing her.”</p><p>Sooyoung was tired. Tired of seeing Jinsoul get hurt. Tired of getting hurt by Jinsoul.</p><p>“Break up with her, then.” The words left Sooyoung’s mouth before she could even process what she had just said.</p><p>“Okay,” Jinsoul answered. She closed her eyes.</p><p>The next morning Sooyoung woke up alone. She texted Jinsoul asking if she was okay. Jinsoul didn’t reply.</p><p>Sooyoung spent the weekend worrying over Jinsoul and if she really was going to break up with her girlfriend. Sooyoung worried about what that might mean for Jinsoul. For her. A chance, maybe?</p><p>Jinsoul didn’t text her all weekend. She didn’t even call. That only worried Sooyoung more.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>On Monday morning Sooyoung saw Jinsoul and her girlfriend holding hands as they walked to class together. Jinsoul giggled at something her girlfriend whispered to her. She kissed her goodbye as she left for her own class. It was apparent that they had made up over the weekend.</p><p>Sooyoung and Jinsoul usually sit together at lunch. Along with Haseul, Jiwoo, and Vivi. But Jinsoul was sitting at a different table with her girlfriend. Jiwoo was playing a game on her phone. Haseul and Vivi were having eye sex. Sooyoung was pretty much alone, despite her friends’ company.</p><p>Sooyoung noticed how Jinsoul kept glancing over to Sooyoung’s table. At Sooyoung, in particular. Every time their eyes met Jinsoul would be the first to look away.</p><p>They didn’t talk for the rest of the day.</p><p>Sooyoung walked home alone, declining the offer to go hang out with Jiwoo. She wasn’t really in the mood to deal with the younger’s antics.</p><p>That was a mistake. On her walk home she saw Jinsoul and her girlfriend arguing in her car. Jinsoul was crying and her girlfriend was yelling. Jinsoul looked over her girlfriend’s shoulder and saw Sooyoung. Jinsoul looked away. Sooyoung kept walking.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sooyoung woke up to the sound of knocking. She checked the time. It was three am. Sooyoung heard knocking again. She wonders who could possibly be knocking at her door at three am. She already knows the answer, though. No one else would knock at her door at three am.</p><p>Sooyoung opened the door and saw Jinsoul crying again. A sight Sooyoung was hoping never to see again.</p><p>Sooyoung lets her in. She leads Jinsoul to her bedroom. She already knows how this is going to go.</p><p>“I couldn’t break up with her.” As if it wasn’t obvious enough.</p><p>“Why not?” Sooyoung said softly, afraid that Jinsoul might break if she spoke too harshly.</p><p>“She said she loves me,”</p><p>Sooyoung thought that was pretty stupid. Hell, it was ridiculous. Sooyoung knows that Jinsoul knows that her girlfriend doesn’t love her. Sooyoung loves Jinsoul and she would never do anything to hurt her. Sooyoung doesn’t get why Jinsoul’s girlfriend couldn’t do the same.</p><p>“Does she?” Sooyoung whispers. Jinsoul inhaled sharply.</p><p>“She does,”</p><p>“Are you going to give her another chance?” Sooyoung asked, irritated. It wasn’t just from the lack of sleep. It was because of Jinsoul’s stubbornness. Jinsoul refuses to accept the truth.</p><p>“She’s willing to change.” Jinsoul defended.</p><p>And so, they went to sleep.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sooyoung wakes up alone the next morning. Sooyoung really should’ve gotten used to it by now but for some reason, it still hurts. She feels hollow inside.</p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t at school that day. She was, however, in her girlfriend’s car, laughing and singing along to a song on the radio.</p><p>They were driving somewhere and she didn’t need to ask, she already knew where they were going. Sooyoung couldn’t care less. She doesn’t care at all (she does).</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sooyoung sees them together more often than she’d like over the course of the week.</p><p>They keep holding hands, kissing between subjects. Showing off. Showing everyone that they were fine. That Jinsoul’s girlfriend wasn’t cheating on her and that Jinsoul wasn’t living a lie. Everyone believes it. Everyone but Sooyoung.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sooyoung has gotten used to it. Gotten used to waking up at two or three am and open her front door to see Jinsoul crying. Sometimes they stay in the kitchen and drink warm milk. Sometimes they watch a movie.</p><p>Sooyoung found it all odd. Jinsoul was never the type to cry. She was strong and independent.</p><p>Jinsoul finds it odd too. Sooyoung was always there for her, never asking for anything in return. Always looking out for her.</p><p>It doesn’t get better for either of them. They’re both stuck in an endless cycle of pain. Jinsoul seems content with pretending she’s okay. Sooyoung does her best to cheer Jinsoul up. Even if it is causing her pain.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sooyoung wishes she didn’t make so many bad decisions whenever Jinsoul was involved. Jinsoul was at her doorstep again. Sooyoung didn’t get the door this time.</p><p>Jinsoul wasn’t at school the next day. Sooyoung didn’t text her.</p><p>Jinsoul shows up at Sooyoung’s door at nine in the evening. Sooyoung thought it was kind of early for Jinsoul to be crying already. Turns out she wasn’t.</p><p>Sooyoung closes her bedroom door as Jinsoul sits on Sooyoung’s bed. Sooyoung remains standing there, looking at Jinsoul who seems to be purposely avoiding meeting the other woman’s gaze.</p><p>“Are you tired of me?” Jinsoul asks in a small voice.</p><p>“No,” Sooyoung answers immediately. It sounded rehearsed, like she was preparing to say it the entire week. Maybe she was.</p><p>“I feel like you’re tired of me.” Jinsoul fidgets with her hands. “Do you…”</p><p>Jinsoul stops and motions for Sooyoung to sit beside her. It was only then that Sooyoung moved from her spot and sat next to the other woman, unsure of what to do. Sooyoung sighed. When it came to Jinsoul, everything was uncertain. But it was this uncertainty that Sooyoung had grown fond of. It was always a leap of faith. She was always there for Jinsoul, regardless of the pain it caused her.</p><p>“Do you want to stop being friends with me?”</p><p>“No,”</p><p>“Maybe we should stop being friends,” Jinsoul said, her voice free of any emotion.</p><p>“Okay,” Sooyoung’s voice is barely a whisper. “Can you at least tell me why?”</p><p>“Because this isn’t good for either of us. I keep using you.”</p><p>“That’s okay,” Sooyoung holds Jinsoul’s hand. “As long as I’m there for you.”</p><p>Jinsoul lets go of Sooyoung’s hand. The action was gentle but Sooyoung felt more pain than when Jinsoul first told her she had a girlfriend.</p><p>“No,” Jinsoul looks at Sooyoung directly for the first time. “I get hurt and wind up here. I don’t talk to you after that. I don’t even thank you.”</p><p>“You don’t have to,”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sooyoung doesn’t know how her best friend ends up disappearing from her life. Not completely but hardly there.</p><p>Sooyoung doesn’t know why Jinsoul can’t love her back.</p><p>All Sooyoung knows is that Jinsoul cares for her, to an extent. Cares for her enough to not let Sooyoung continue hurting herself pining over someone she can’t have.</p><p>Sooyoung reminisces all the time they spent together.</p>
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